A Wreched Existance At The End Of My Days

A Wrenched Existence At The End Of My Days...

I had no expectations of how it would end. No, Really, I thought it would have been over by now. Someone once said; “Had I known I’d live so long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” The way I have lived my life, I thought 40 was a good guess… Dad lived 38 years and when I hit 40, well, I was on “bonus” time.

According to the (witch) doctors at the clinic, I am in pretty-good shape, but I’m not so sure…. 53 years on this planet in just three days (53rd B-day), yet I feel older. My machine is failing and I have to take 4/four pharmaceutical drugs to stay alive and one/1 pharmaceutical drug to do so without crippling pain. Seven pills a day – I shouldn’t have to do this,.

It isn’t pretty. Yet I persist and exist. Life-force and a desire not to die seem to matter in this body/machine thing I’ am riding to the end. My machine has asked for “shut-down” mode once, but my machine Said No! My controller asked for shut-down mode but My creator said No! So I am obviously conflicted about “shut-down” mode generally…
To be or not to be Aye, there’s the rub…. Whether it is nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…not to be decided now…let us see how we feel in the morning



Den