My Pain; My Dearest companion.

My Pain; ever present physical companion. I sleep with you, I awake with you. You accompany me on every daily task. The kitchen visit at O'dark:30 for the caffeine motivation for the day ahead, be it knowledge or interest, or the attempt at self-sufficiency, or just because two roommates are verbally fighting above the volume whereby you can sleep, you accompany me there.

Like most loves, I detest you and I need you... It's a Love/Hate relationship. There are mitigating factors though...In a strange way, pain brings relief: In the physical experience, pain causes endorphins (the body's own painkiller) to flow in you, so if your leg hurts and you go for a walk anyway, strangely the body feels better. Most "Runners" are addicted to endorphins as are body-builders and others that inflict pain on themselves through physical force..

My pain is beyond that... My pain is like loving  the biting cold weather and being chilled, or like taking a hot shower after a sunburn; it is a the forcing of my pain so I can Hurt in response equal to the pain.. Pieces of me hurt where no succor exists... meniscus and rotatory cuff, Gaul Stones an more. Will the indignities not stop? No,I'm not that lucky. No, I am the King of Pain.

King of Pain.King of Pain.I'll occupy this throne until the docs and alchemists come up  with a better preparation. I'll not declare what I take for this horrible  affliction, but suffice it to say, that a heroin addict would be happy with my dose for the time  being,

I hate drugs. I hate my body and its frailties.... I am not fond of m 53 years on the planet, nor the pain it has delivered me,  but then again... what was the alternative? I hate to attend a "Pain Group" for it and there is no panacea for the need, nor real succor for the pain perceived, but would I commit to the end of pain, I would commit to the end of myself.... To be or not to to be, Aye, there is the question! Where it be nobler to take up slings and arrows against outrageous fortune, or to take up arme against....

You get the picture...

Pain, for now is my freind.